“Beware of the The Extended Family Tax.” Chief pulled out a golf club from the bag and tossed it lightly in the palm of his hand. He wiped his forehand with a crisp, white handkerchief as he finished his thought. “Many young people have been cheated of their future because of it.” 

It was a scorching day on the golf course. Emeka was feeling restless, he never could understand the appeal of golf. Especially not on such a brutal day as this, when the heat of sun on the back of his neck, felt like hot slaps from an african parent. The lush green stood out in sharp contrast to the heat in the air. Chief squatted down, looking closely at the grass, as if it was saying something to him that he couldn’t quite hear. 

“Is that a new government policy?” Emeka asked hesitantly, as he swatted at a persistent insect flying close to his head. “I don’t think I see that deduction on my pay slip.” 

“You are not seeing it as a deduction on your payslip but it is there.” Chief smiled a knowing smile as he continued to examine the grass intently.  “The fifth rule of wealth states that

As earnings increase, so do the mouths that come to help you spend it”.

Now, Emeka was confused. The blazing sun had slowed down his thinking faculties. 

Chief continued speaking “Helping out family and friends is important. But do not do it at the detriment of your future. Remember how I got into financial trouble at your age, trying to impress my family. I learned that two poor people cannot help each other. You need to break out of the cycle of poverty first and then you will be able to do greater good”.  

“Think about it”, Chief said emphatically, turning in Emeka’s direction “Which one do you think your mother would appreciate more? that you paid a pepper them contribution to her umunne association or that you built her a house in 5 years?”

Emeka thought through Chief’s words. It was beginning to make sense but he had questions.

“Chief, my village people won’t hear. How do I say no to them, without a family meeting being held on top my head?”.

“The way to handle such requests is to have a monthly budget for giving. Once the money that has been set aside for giving is used up, any further requests must wait until next month’s budget. At that point, you would be telling the truth when you say you don’t have”

“All requests must fit into your budget. You must not allow another person’s emergency become your emergency except maybe in the case of a medical issue. Even then, it depends on the circumstances. Believe me, Problems no dey finish” Chief stood up and readied himself to begin the game.

“Emeka, do you remember the story of the Wise and Foolish Virgins in the Bible?” Chief asked, as he wiped his palms on his golf trousers.

Emeka tried to think but the heat of the day made thinking feel like swimming through thick, dark brown honey, the kind that still had dead bee parts and other debris within it.

Chief noticed Emeka’s confusion and shook his head. “Look it up when you get home. It’s in the New Testament; Matthew Chapter 25”

“Today, most people would call those virgins stingy but the Bible calls them wise. They knew that helping another person should not jeopardize their own endeavor. Also, money is not the only help you can give to friends and family. You can help with advice, your time or your skill”.

“Let’s get something to drink. I can see the heat is bothering you” Chief said as he started walking towards the club house, a gleaming haven of air-conditioning and cold beverages. Emeka felt relief wash over him like someone had burst a sachet of pure water on his head. As he reached the steps of the building, Chief stopped suddenly as if he just remembered something really important.

“One more thing, be wary of lending out money to these same family and friends. You hear me?” Chief was looking at Emeka intently, trying to make sure he understood the import of what he was saying.

“Only lend out what you can afford to lose; be it either the relationship or the money. Because of bad experiences, I do not loan anyone money anymore. I would rather make a gift of a smaller amount, for example if a friend asks for a loan of two hundred thousand naira, I would rather give him a gift of fifty thousand naira, provided it fits into my budget. If it doesn’t fit into my budget, ‘I don’t have’ is the simple answer.”

Emeka was beginning to perk up at the thought of relaxing in comfortably, cool surroundings and responded with an extended hiss of disapproval. 

“Mtcheeew. That is the one wey dey pain me pass; all those people who borrow money and ‘forget’ to pay back. I have a friend who has been owing me 100,000 naira for over one year. Over one… full…calendar…year” Emeka added, nodding his head empathetically, at the end of each word in his last sentence. 

“The guy was giving excuses for months. Now he doesn’t even bother, doesn’t even try to avoid me. The tin shock me. For his mind ‘old things have passed away’ on top my money.” Emeka shrugged his shoulders in a ‘tufiakwa’ motion, as he shook his head in disbelief. 

“That is why you need to practice the principle of ‘stealth wealth’, that is being discreet about how much you really have. Don’t be a miser but don’t be flashy either. There is nothing to be gained from flashiness except if you are a celebrity. Think about it, the richest men in the world today are some of the most modest; Zuckerberg, Bezos, Buffet and Bill Gates to name a few. If not for official reporting, you would never guess how much they are worth from merely observing them”

‘Practicing stealth wealth actually makes your money grow. It does this by curbing excessive and unnecessary spending as well as reducing the expectations of people. Why else do you think I live in the same compound with you all?” 

Chief turned to Emeka, a broad smile on his face. “By the way, your rent is due soon. I hope you have my money ready. I can’t buy food with stories, biko.”

The sound of their combined laughter rose into the afternoon heat as they walked up the last few steps and into the club house.